Of Running and Reality

• September 5, 2016
• Journey

As I’ve gotten older, I’m more interested in the quality of friends versus the quantity of friends. In one of the ministries I’m involved in, I’ve come in contact with hundreds of women. I know there is no way that I can personally pour in to every one of them. It bothers me. But, I have to understand and come to grips with my own limitations. I try my hardest to at least remember names and faces, but I often fall short on that front too. Fortunately, I am surrounded by an amazing group of ladies who have come alongside me and invest their time into a number of these women. Meanwhile, I just walk around town smiling and saying ‘hi’ to everyone just in case they know me from MOPS. It’s pathetic really. But, at least I look friendly.

On this team of ladies, I have a friend named Liz. She has moved away now (what was she thinking?!). I only wish we had spent more time together. My schedule was always busy, you see. Being able to drop things in the middle of the day for coffee or lunch was not a luxury I was willing to afford myself in my never ending sea of to-do’s. Now I wish it had been different. I wish I had made the time. Yes, of course we can still talk, but the “doing life together” part isn’t a reality anymore.

The reason I love Liz is because instead of cheering me on every time I took on a new commitment, signed up for a new activity, or added another to-do to my list, she would question my motive, she would ask me how I was going to manage another thing (problem is I wasn’t listening to her). Even when I told her about this blog, she said “I’ll pray it will be something refreshing for you that reminds you to slow down and that it doesn’t become one more thing that you have to be great at ;)”. She’s still getting on to me even though she’s two hours away!  

Times spent with her are times of open conversation. She and her husband are still always willing to spend some time in real talk. You know, beyond talking about our kids and what they’re doing lately.

Recently I was having a conversation with someone who said it’s uncomfortable to share the stuff you really need prayer about even though she wanted to. She needed the prayer. Bless her. She is carrying such a burden and we couldn’t help her because we didn’t know. But let’s be honest, we didn’t ask either. We didn’t really take the time to find out what was going on with her on the heart level.  

Could it be a lack of comfort with who we are? Could it be a lack of comfort with letting others know what is REALLY going on in our lives? Is it because we’re afraid to admit we are ‘human’? That we are a mess? That we screw up? That we’re broken and hurt? That we struggle with this faith thing sometimes? Here’s a newsflash: We’re ALL a mess. It just takes one person being open and honest to free everyone else from the burden of perfection. I cannot even count the times I’ve gone to a ‘Girl’s Night Out’ or a women’s function where I was a complete disaster inside, but for sure I wasn’t going to tell anybody. What would they think of me?! I missed the blessing of my sisters lifting me up when I needed it most. I missed the chance to have others help carry my burden. 

It’s refreshing to have someone know all your crap and still be friends with you. It’s refreshing to have people in your life who challenge you to do the right things for your family because they see you heading down the wrong path. People that will be there when you succeed, but also when you fail. Even when you fail big time.  This is my friend Liz.

And like Liz, I want to be that friend to other women in my circle. But, I can only be that friend if I make the time. If I unclutter my schedule enough to be able to sit and have a cup of coffee with someone. To sit around a table for a meal. To just sit. Honesty happens when we just sit.

If I’m too busy to take the time or, worse yet, make the time in my calendar, but am not fully present- I am not the friend I need to be.

Have you ever told a friend: “yes, I can meet you, but I only have 30 minutes because I have to leave”? We live in a rushed world. I long for having friends over without a deadline. Of course, I know that’s unrealistic all the time. In life, there are other things that need our attention. As a mother, there’s always something or someone needing my attention. But how can I be a great friend or have someone be that great friend to me if I’m always rushing through our times together. Something I’m implementing now are nights with friends. Nights where I open my house (mess and all) to friends. Simple dinner. Just sit. Quality time together. Doing life together. It’s a stretch. A big stretch. It’s a learning process. 

The schedule (and priorities) needs to change for that to happen.

You see, the weekend comes and all I want to do is sit on the couch. I’m exhausted from the week. I’ve spent the week counting the days until Friday because it means just sitting on the couch eating pizza. What if I could arrive to Fridays without exhaustion? What if I was excited to have friends over because I wasn’t so tired? What if I stopped caring so much about how nice my house looks, or how clean it is, or what food I’m serving? What if I cared only about the people coming to my house? Those people that I want to spend time with. I really do. Too often I’ve been worried about appearances and how tired I am to even bother inviting them over. Then I sit around belly-aching about my lack of “real” friends. True friendship is like dating- you have to make an effort. In that sense, it’s even like a marriage. You’re not going to get a stronger, more vibrant relationship by not investing any time and effort into it. If you don’t invest time into your friends, they will just be acquaintances you like to spend time with. On occasion. When it fits your schedule. If you’re not too tired.

A while back, a few of my friends and I decided we’d start running. And by running I mean mostly walking. We had this in common: we all hated running. They say people get real honest and open when they’re about to die. We were honest. We ended up just talking on most days (and walking). A few months passed and the group got smaller. We were busy moms. Then it got hot in south Texas. It wasn’t gonna happen anymore (yes, we’re that pathetic).

A few days ago I went running with one of those friends again and I was reminded of the group running days. We’ve all become busy with life, but the thing is, we probably need those running days now more than ever. For our health, but mostly for our souls.

“Someone told me once that we are loved to the measure we are known. Who really knows me? Am I willing to be known? Fully? With all my struggles on display?” Rebekah Lyons

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