That Friend
The other morning I sat thinking about the relationships in my life while sipping on my coffee. The people I see all the time. The ones I should know really well. I didn’t.
What makes them tick? What does their past look like? What do they dream about but are too afraid to share with the world? What are their fears? What do they struggle with? How can I really pray for them? Beyond the short Sunday morning prayer time. I’m talking about the life altering stuff that Sunday morning doesn’t even have time to deal with.
These women. The ones I’ve known for years. The ones I see at least once a week. I thought of them. I realized I didn’t really know much about what’s really going on behind the curtain. It made me sad. And it woke me up.
How to change this? How do I lead by example in deepening these surface relationships?
Now, I’m fully aware that I can’t have life-altering relationships with every person I meet. It’s impossible. And I’ve said before that I am more interested in the quality of relationships over the quantity of relationships in my life. But, how would I know who those quality relationships are unless I was the one taking the steps to test the waters of openness?
What does deeper relationships and truly connecting with people look like for me? How do I work it out on the day to day? How do I become the person I want my friends to be?
How about I start with deeper conversations about the things that are usually only talked about after you sit alone for a long time? What if instead of wasting time with chit-chat every time, I actually asked the deeper questions? The questions that could cause the flood of tears to pour out. The questions that bring amazing joy. The questions that allow me to get a glimpse inside their heart.
What if I truly made those women feel like they could be completely and freely themselves? What if I didn’t run when they spilled their guts with their deepest darkest hurts? What if I was the one who stood beside them and held their hand when no else was. What if I stopped my crazy life long enough to sit and really listen? What if my door was always open?
Share my story.
Share my story. Share your story. Something happens when another person can say “me too!” C.S. Lewis says “Friendship…is born in that moment when one man says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’” But we can’t get to that point unless we are willing to share our stories.
So I will purpose to be open. I will purpose to be that person. I will purpose to be the one who won’t run when I hear the scary and dark stuff. I will be the one who rejoices and parties hard when I hear the awesome stuff. I will be that friend.
I challenge you to be that friend too. Imagine if we were a tribe of people who didn’t hide behind our past or present issues? What if we were open? What if honesty and openness was the name of the game? What if we shared our struggles and together stormed the gates of heaven and cried before God? We would carry each other’s burdens. We would lighten each other’s load.
Find those people. Grab on to them and never let go. They are the ones placed in your life by a God who knows you need them and they need you. Together you can walk through life hand in hand. In complete openness.
Our stories have power. When we are open about them, others will be open too. And that’s where the life-changing stuff happens.
“The language of logical argument, of proofs, is the language of the limited self we know and can manipulate. But the language of parable and poetry, of storytelling, moved from the imprisoned language of the provable into the freed language of what I must, for lack of another word, continue to call faith.” Madeleine L’engle, A Circle of Quiet
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