I Have Learned

• September 22, 2016
• Journey

In this life experiment of sorts where I’m trying to make my life into something ‘more’, I’ve discovered it comes with many layers. Each layer needs to be peeled off and processed before moving to the next. One of those layers is being thankful. Being truly thankful for the little things in the very moment I am experiencing them. In the exciting moments where I’m doing just what God has intended for me, in the hard moments where God doesn’t even seem present, and even in the mundane of dishes or laundry or doing schoolwork.

As much as I try to change my commitments, re-work my schedule, and look for areas to find peace in my life, there are still the obligations that come with motherhood. The obligations of being a wife. The obligations of being a friend.

Thankfulness. It’s a process of learning. I really think it is. We aren’t just automatically thankful for everything around us and every situation in our lives. There are days that I am just downright ungrateful and ugly. As my sweet southern friend Brandy puts it “Jesus is not present”.

Phil. 4:11-12 says something that I missed so many times: “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am…In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content…” (emphasis added)

I purpose to be thankful in the moment. Whatever that moment looks like.

I am thankful for the morning silence that allows me to be still before the day starts. I am grateful for the sunlight as I open the shudders and feel its warmth on my face. It reminds me that God will always warm my soul even in the darkest times. He will come and just flood it, filling the empty places. I am thankful for the wind as it blows the palm branches outside my window and makes the grass blades move in unison like a choir singing the praises of their Creator. I am thankful for the chirping of the birds because I imagine them thanking God for the daily provisions (Matt. 6:26).

I am grateful for the text message from my husband asking me to do something for him. Because it means I have a husband who can still send me messages. I am grateful for technology that allows us to still be connected even though he’s hundreds of miles away.

I am grateful for little voices as they wake in the morning. The morning snuggles. The sleepy eyes that slowly come to full awakeness. These little people that need me and love me unconditionally. I’m thankful for slobbery kisses.

Being grateful for the moment and everything in it.

As I was writing this, I got a phone call which tested my “gratefulness” exercise. News that completely took the wind out of my sails. Discouraging. At first, I struggled and I wanted to quit. Being ugly is the default. I wanted to sulk in the pit. Take a bath in that mud and wallow all up in it. Gratefulness was not the first thing on my mind.

But, it was the perfect time to put this into practice. On the job training- right now. “I have learned”

When we are in dark times, that’s when we need to fight to see the little things to be grateful for, right?

So, it went like this.

The kids who didn’t allow me to sulk, thank you for them. The bee that distracted me when I was about to cry about it. And then I saw the flower he was going for- beautiful purple flowers that open in the morning with the sun and close up at night. Reminds me of how we are filled with The Light. Thankful for the weeds that allowed for mindless work that was needed during this time. They remind me that the garden in my heart needs to always be tended so it can flourish. The ugliness needs to be pulled out.

Thankful for the ocean. The vastness of it and how it reminds me that God is so much bigger than my problems. How He has every little thing on earth under His control. How His plan is so much larger than the situation I am faced with today. A bump in the road. The sand that I sink my toes into. The crashing of the waves against my feet cleansing my soul of the discouragement I felt in that moment.

The smiles and squeals of children playing in the waves. Sheer joy. Complete abandon. Grateful to have them. Because I may not have. Thankful that God allowed me to keep them.

Grateful for the cool water that I drink that washes through my insides and reminds me of how He quenches my soul’s thirst. He is the Living Water.

“I have learned”. I am learning.

Because what I found was that it ‘does’ help. It changed my focus. Happiness and hope came. It’s said that you can only feel one emotion at a time. I felt the change. The gratefulness exercise worked. Does that mean I’ll be perfect at this every time? Probably not. It’s a leaning process and it’s not what comes naturally. But I will learn. Mama always said “practice makes perfect”.

A few months back I jotted down a quote from Ann Voskamp, “ Something always comes to fill the empty places. And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me.”

Especially in times of hardship, our souls long to be filled with something. We need to fill our souls with ‘joy’. Fighting for the gratefulness in the little things during those times allows God to fill the gaping holes. True joy is not dependent on our circumstances. And gratefulness brings joy.

I purpose to be grateful in all things. In the dark times, I will fight (because it’s a straight up war sometimes) to find the little things I can be thankful for. In the seemingly mundane moments, I will find the gratefulness.

I will bring life to my moments, instead of expecting my moments to bring me life.

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