It Is Well…
A little over a week ago, I went to MOMCON. It’s the yearly MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers) conference. Mothers of all ages, from all over the world, attend this event and it’s absolutely amazing. Highly recommend! Prior to this, God had been speaking to me on what it means to “love God and love others”, “take care of the widows and orphans”, fulfilling needs, and so on. I have been observing the life of Jesus and who He hung out with, who were His peeps. And, I’ve also noticed that He was particularly hard on the “church” folk. His choice of friends were not the pick of the litter. They were the outcasts, the ones others didn’t want to hang with. The messes. Then, there have been all the ‘feelings’ lately (see journal entry from the last post). That was the backdrop when I left for MOMCON. Chris and I had been praying to God for direction and pretty much got to a point where we were praying for whatever His will might be for our lives. We knew there was change coming, but we didn’t know what that would entail.
A little history. Every time God wants Chris and I to make a significant change (or not make a change we’re thinking of), we have what I like to call a Jonah experience. Pretty much I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t pick up on subtle hints. It’s gotta be a major thing. Like, being swallowed by a whale for a few days so you can get your head on straight. I wish we could see things with simple clues, but no, it’s gotta be a massive “you don’t really have a choice here” event. Later, we look back and say ‘I see what happened there’, but in the moment, we are left just walking day by day and it’s usually uncomfortable or downright disturbing.
So, back to me at MOMCON.
God was messing with me. There were things every single speaker said that resonated with the changes that were stirring in my soul before coming to the conference. Over and over… I walked through the streets of downtown Milwaukee and looked people in the eyes. I wanted to know their stories. What got them to this place in their lives? One night as we walked to a restaurant, I noticed a girl -probably in her 20s- sitting at a bus stop. She had purple hair and was smoking a cigarette. She looked as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. We locked eyes. It was as if we were having a conversation for those few seconds. I smiled, and she smiled back. I wanted to park it next to her, to know her story. I just couldn’t help wondering about all these people. It was weird. If felt weird. If felt like my eyes were wide open to things I hadn’t noticed before- to this whole ‘nother world. This world of people who usually made me hold my purse a little tighter as I walked by. You see, I grew up surrounded by those people and I’ve known some of their stories, but somehow in the pursuit of life, I’ve forgotten about them. They weren’t part of my story anymore. It became as if they weren’t around. But now, all the sudden, they are everywhere. I know, I’m starting to sound all “Sixth Sense” on you with the “I see dead people” bit. But, I think I just quit paying attention. I was blinded by busyness, kid activities, shopping, decorating, church, my pet ministries, my entertainment, my fun activities, my coffee dates, my dinner dates, making my kids the next prodigies, and so much more ‘stuff’. I want to roll my own eyes at myself. But, I digress…
A few days in to MOMCON, Chris calls and informs me there will be some changes at work (not good ones for our family and the direction we were trying to head toward), and that He had already decided what he was going to do. We were going to sell the house (if you know me, we had talked about this numerous times, but just never did) and we were going to look for something else. Something that would be more beneficial for our family as well as the life Chris had been missing out on (ministry, time for people, and time for family).
It all came as a whirlwind, but I knew that was God. You see, something really does happen when you truly pray “whatever You want from me, Jesus, I’ll do”.
But here’s the thing. I prayed that, but I’m not sure I really meant it down to my bones. Because that night, I went in to full panic! What about the kids? Their friends? What about my friends? What about my MOPS group? I committed to help lead a Bible Study table! What about our friends from the homeschool group? What if I have to move somewhere I don’t want to move? I don’t want to start all over again! What if our house doesn’t sell? Does that mean we are reading this message incorrectly? What will we do with all our pets (3 dogs, 2 guinea pigs and a fish- don’t ask) How can we rent a house for a while with them until we know what the direction is? No one is going to want 3 dogs! What about the kids’ doctors? What if the new place doesn’t have good doctors? What if it’s a place that isn’t homeschool friendly? What if it’s a city that’s not cool? (yes, I worried about that) And on and on…. All night long. (Hello, crazy person!)
Friends, this is not a soul at peace.
But, who ever said that you have to be at peace to follow God’s plan? When I look through the Bible, these folks had to go through some crazy stuff. I’m pretty sure they followed through the fear and uncertainty. The thing is, even though I’m afraid, I still should trust in God’s plan.
The next morning, I hadn’t put it together, but the speaker was Rebekah Lyons. I had read her book “Freefall to Fly” a couple months before. In short, she followed God’s plan even though it was NOT what she wanted. That morning, during prayer and worship, I cracked. I think it was the moment when I truly and honestly– down to my very bones- said “ok, whatever You want”. “I will move wherever you want, I will live however you want, I will do whatever you want.” And you know what happened? The turning in my stomach and the pain in my chest went away right then. I think all that fear and stress leaked out through my eyes. ‘It is well with my soul’. In the middle of the storm, it is well.
What it means is that I walk in the fear. I walk in the uncertainty. I take it a day at a time. It means I fill my hours with God and His word; so much so that I don’t allow fear or uncertainty to grab hold. I means I quote scripture aloud when fear tries to creep in. Filling my heart with so much Jesus, that there’s no room for Satan’s crap.
Do I know the plans for my future? Nope. Do I know where I will be this time next year? Nope. Could I still be where I am now? Yup. But, I think the lesson is that I truly give it up to God and lean in to Him.
One thing we know for sure- there is a change. A big one coming. But, we have no idea what that change is.
We know we want something different. A life that isn’t so materialistic. I life that is focused on others and not ourselves. A home that has the doors hanging wide open. A place where people feel at home beyond talking about how ‘nice’ our house is. Fancy is boring. I want a home where people plop on the couch and toss their shoes off. A home where love, grace, and forgiveness just spill out of the windows.
This whole process is only in its infancy, but it’s already offering us tremendous opportunities to talk with our kids about the important stuff. We’ve been able to talk about helping others when feeding children or the homeless, we’ve been able to talk about following God’s plan for our lives even when we don’t see it, faith, trust, what God means when He tells us to love others, simplicity, our desires for our family, and so much more- the important stuff beyond what new toys we want or what fun activity we should plan next. We want our kids to live this process with us. We want them to see their parents being faithful and hopefully making the right choices for a more significant life- One that looks a little closer to what Jesus values and thinks is important instead of what the culture we live in thinks is important.
When my 9 year old asks questions like “how do you know what God’s will is?” it offers a beautiful opportunity to discuss so many things related to faith. When he feels sad that we may move someday, it’s a chance to talk about trusting God for our future and knowing He has our best interest at heart. And, in the process, we are saying those same things to ourselves as well.
I’ve learned that a lot of times we easily spit out christian sayings on following God’s will, where He wants us we will go, “if God wills”, and so on. But, do we really mean it? Will we really do it even if people think we’re nuts? What if where He calls us is not even a little close to what we ever wanted? What if it’s hard?
I look back at all the Jonah moments in our life, and I realize something. Each one increased our faith. Each one made us stronger. As we approach another one, we can truly say “God will work it all out” because we know He will. He always has. He has provided jobs, healed dying children, made money appear out of completely unexpected places at the very right time, He’s provided homes, friends, churches, and support systems. He’s always worked it out.
It is well with my soul.
And, you know what’s the silver lining of it all? Being right where God wants us to be. As crazy as it may be, to know you are holding the hand of Jesus right in the middle of the hurricane, brings that supernatural peace. I almost think that’s what it really means to have peace. That even though you are walking through the hurricane, God is right there next to you.
Now, I fully realize that many people are truly walking through some horrible hurricanes that go WAY beyond just trying to know the will of God and what the future holds. But remember, ‘the waves and wind still know His name’. Grab on to Jesus’ hand and don’t take your eyes off Him. And, you know what? He’ll even carry you through the hurricane if you don’t have the strength to walk anymore.
It is well with my soul.
When I don’t know what tomorrow holds-
It is well with my soul.
If I have to leave my city, family, church, and friends-
It is well with my soul.
If I have to find a new ‘home’ in a strange place-
It is well with my soul.
If (more like ‘when’) God calls me to minister to hurting people who are way out of my comfort zone-
It is well with my soul.
“Through it all my eyes are on You. Through it all it is well.’
“Through it all my eyes are on You and it is well with me.”
(Words from “It is Well” by Bethel Music and Kristene Dimarco)
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