Can’t Fix It

• December 6, 2016
• Journey

It’s funny how things just match up sometimes. During this particular Christmas season I seem to be more attune to pain. It seems like it’s all around lately. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s fair. I want it to go away.

I’m a fixer. When friends come to me with their problems, I say things like “I’ll pray for you”, but I later catch myself trying to think of ways to fix it. What books can I recommend?, what wisdom have I learned in my life?, what have I gone through in my life that can possibly bring them some hope that they’ll come through this?… I want everyone to be happy. You deserve that at Christmas, right?

Wrong.

We don’t.

We don’t ‘deserve’ to be happy. God never promised that. He said we’d have trials and tribulations. He said it would be hard. But…but, He did say He’d be there. He said He’d hold our hand. He would even carry us through those valleys. The many verses I’ve read all my life flood through my mind. Those promises. I realize God lives in the pain. And that’s often where we draw the closest to Him. It’s often where our faith grows.

Back to that ‘matching up’. It just so happens that the book next on my never ending pile of reads was The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp. How fitting.

As I sit here I think of one bit I read that says “What matters in life is not what happens to you, but what you remember and how you remember it”.

Isn’t that true?

In my own life, we are going through a time of change. A time of uncertainty. A time where we are looking forward to what comes next. What does it look like? And I sometimes get impatient about it. I just want to be there. Settled. Living the purpose. Living the day-in and day-out. But, that hasn’t happened yet. We are still waiting.

I want to fix all the issues, both mine and those of others. I want us all to be happy and settled. I want us all to be living the purpose. Ad to that some rainbows and confetti and we can all be happy together. But, that’s only possible in an episode of My Little Pony (and even they have drama)

So, we walk through the hardships, the pain, the uncertainty and we learn lessons, we draw near to God and we purpose to remember.

I think remembering increases our faith. When I remember everything that has happened in my life, I see the threads of God working. I see the places He was holding my hand. I see the places He carried me because I couldn’t walk. I see the deliverance. I see what happened and how it all worked out for good. And sometimes I even see the purpose of why I had to go though that.

So, I can’t be the fixer. I can’t be the fixer for myself or anyone else. We have to walk through our pain sometimes. We have to walk through that struggle.

And even though I hate just telling people “I’ll pray for you”, maybe that’s exactly what needs to happen. That prayer may need to be a little different though. Instead of praying for the pain or struggle to go away, maybe we pray for open eyes, maybe we pray for stronger faith, maybe we pray that we see God visibly during this time, maybe we pray for the strength to walk through the season we are in.

And remember.

One particular season I remember was when both my children were fighting for their lives. It was a long season. I remember praying for healing. Praying it would go away. God is a God of miracles and I was claiming mine! It took a long time for the prayer to change. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t think I deserved it, and neither did my kids.

The prayer had to change. It had to change to God’s will being done. I had to pray that even if they both died, I would still be faithful. I would walk the road He had laid out for me. I would share with others who were struggling. I had to tell God that even if the outcome was not what I wanted, I’d praise Him anyway. It had to change to praying that I see Him in the little things. I had to look for ways to show Him to all those hospital staff who were with us for so long. I had to look for ways to show Him to all the people who were watching us walk through this. People I didn’t even know. And I had to pray for joy. Not happiness, but joy. Because joy is not dependent on the situation or circumstances. Happiness is fickle and momentary. But joy, joy can be there even in the darkest of days.

Once my prayers changed, so did my heart.

So, instead of trying to fix everything for myself and my struggling sisters and brothers, I will pray. That prayer will just be a little different. We will storm the gates of Heaven together. Shoulder to shoulder. Hand in hand. I will walk with them through their season and they will walk with me through mine. And let’s purpose to remember. Because the silver lining of hardships is that you get to see God. You just have to look.

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